dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
