i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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