my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
