I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
why does every cop we meet know your name?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
