do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
