do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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