I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
