how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
