everyone is single if you try hard enough
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
