Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
