drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
