just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
