so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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