planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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