he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we're making bets on your personal life
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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