I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
