AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
