idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
