I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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