I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
