yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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