Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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