i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
