Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
