I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
