maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
