I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
