I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Text me some of your sweat
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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