Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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