I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
