bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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