Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
