Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
