Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
