she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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