last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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