I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
