I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
