everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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