Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize