So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
