Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
