At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
