I wanna bring you to show and tell
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
