It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
