time to smoke my breakfast
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
