I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
