You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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