So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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