you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
