please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
