I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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