i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
