he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
