He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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