i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
