why didn't you poke me back
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
