That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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