he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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