Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
