Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
3 2 1 whiskey
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
