The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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