PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
