dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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