we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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