i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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