Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
