man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize