I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
