yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
