his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
