you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize