I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize