I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
