I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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