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She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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