I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
